I am going through alot of emotions lately.. It started off feeling like I just wasn’t being the wife/mother/woman God wants me to be.. Just walking around feeling like a failure. I have already been through 2 rounds of skin tests.. the second one was food and animals.. and I had a reaction. Now I am anxious to find out what the reaction was from.. I have one more round to go. I also had the cat scan and mammogram. The Mam.. hurt me.. I was very very sore. They took 13 pictures.. I got a call last week. They want me to go to the hospital for more… I took down the appointment, got off the phone and cried.. I hate all of this. My emotions are so out of whack. I am not afraid of the result.. I don’t want to go through it again. Ok.. well, maybe a little afraid..
I received another call yesterday. This time a guy on the phone tells me that he was told to make an appointment to come to my home and set up a cpap machine for me. I was really speechless as I was never told the results of the sleep study.. He had a copy in front of him and told me that I had stopped breathing 190 times before the mask and 6 time while wearing the mask.. I was shocked.. I had gone to sleep around 9:30 or 10pm that night and at 12 midnight they put the mask on.. so in 2 – 2.5 hours I stopped breathing 190 times!! That means I probably stop breathing about 400-500 times a night?? Oh boy.. this is really bad..
Now, of course I have tons of excuses .. the main being.. what is going to happen to anna.. her bed is right next to me.. if she has a bad night.. I just turn over and hold her hand and she goes back to sleep.. I love it.. well.. now I need a table there for the machine so what happens to her bed now.. (small room) and of course.. I will look so beautiful for my husband to see .. I have been thinking about sleeping on the couch.. I am still walking around in shock.
Oh.. I wanted to let you all know that my former Pastor and the other pastors arrived home safely last week. They were able to accomplish all the things they went to Baghdad to do. Pastor Kelly’s funeral was last Tuesday. From what I hear it was a huge turnout. My mom said the music and everything was beautiful. My Pastor’s (in CT) daughter, Darenda Barta, also song a song. I wish I could have been there.. Thank you all for the prayers!
**Thank you for those comments.. they made me cry.. but not bad tears..