I am ok.. Angel did re-order from another vendor.. it is supposed to be here sometime next week. 

I was thinking last night..It was really hard to sleep..

I could always take anna’s little tree and set it up in the living room (she may or may not be happy about that since it is her winter nightlight in her room.  I could wrap gifts with newspapers, packing paper and maybe some fabric..

I could maybe figure out the bare minimim for cookies (anna likes chocolate chips, angel oatmeal raisens).. but the ones they like are normal everyday cookies.. I love to make the reeses brownies, pb kisses, chocolate crinkles, but that will be impossible with angel on a moped and me out of most of the basic ingredients.. but I do want fudge.. so maybe I can splurge and make fudge and the two angel and anna like..

Ethan – I can buy his gift after christmas.. I am sure bj’s doesn’t have what I wanted to give him anymore anyways.. and he is young enough not to realize it..

Christmas dinner.. just scratch that since it is just us anyways.. (originally I planned lasagna but that is too much ingredients needed).. Yes, I realize he could have the van next week.. but I am pretty negative in these situations and already mentioned to angel that I was betting the part would get lost in the mail and it would be the only part the vendor had.. (yep.. I can get that bad..) 

last night as I laid in bed I just thought that I was being totally childish and selfish.  My flesh is so weak when it comes to this. I have already apologized to angel which he thinks is unnecessary.. but I have made the burden bigger for him and I do not wish to do that.  I realize this is not the end of the world.. we have alot to be thankful for..

You know, I am starting to realize God is definately testing me here.. I have always had it pretty easy since meeting Angel.. I have never had to worry about this stuff.. Before Angel I panicked all the time.. and while I am amazed at how I am able to handle some situations with so much ease..I guess this is an area I still have major problems with.. I remember back when david was 3 ( I think ).. I had gone to school for bookkeeping and was currently on welfare.. I had no money for christmas.. I panicked and signed him up for one of those programs where someone adopted him for christmas.. and a week before Christmas, I got a 300.00 check from the school because they were overpaid.. well thinking he probably wouldn’t get much from the person who ‘adopted’ him.. I went and blew the money on his christmas.. then when the ‘adopted’ gifts came .. they came in like 3 large construction type bags!!  David had tons of stuff.. and I was laid wiht a heavy heavy guilt.. I felt as though I had taken gifts from a needy child or family.. .. if only I had trusted the Lord.. I could have a. provided gifts myseslf or b. used the school money for something else that was important.. (yes I was nuts to spend 300.00 on him!) 

I really need to sit back and truly trust in Him! 

Thank you all for your prayers and hugs!

to all of you that commented.. I thank you so much!  Thank you for being my online friends!